Friday, 26 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Bear-time (This aint what I came for)

As Bear came sliding down the banister...
Just watched the live feed cue cards/ fake sleep scandal and it really is shocking (if you haven't see it, they fake going to bed so Big Brother can film a fake schmaltzy goodnight, then they all get up again. If I'd been watching that on live feed I think I would have keeled over with shock. I actually believed the show was still real. I know, what a mug. I can be gullible, though. Earlier in the show they also made them all 'sit on a mark' while they did a voiceover. Frankie even said 'it's our last night at work.' AT WORK. I HATE hearing the Big Brother voice (ie. Ted) telling them to brush their teeth and get a good night's sleep. It is completely at odds with the concept of Big Brother. Hate, hate, hate.
I think Big Brother lost a lot of viewers today (two of my friends told me they were never watching again), and I don't think the inevitable Bear win is going to help matters.
My predictions of the order are Bear to win, Frankie, Ricky, Marnie, Renee, Aubrey (out first).
After looking hot the other night, Emma is looking rough again. Mismatched black top and navy trousers: no. Unflattering as fuck. Her lovely hair looks shit as well.
Frankie's doing some great journeying: 'Shine bright like a Frankie and when people throw shade, shine brighter.' I liked Bear's two fingers to BB.
Highlights package to the song 'This is what you came for' despite it being NOT what I came for, quite the opposite, actually. No final supper. No two by two evictions. Do we have to sit through six individual interviews? *pours more wine*
Bear would describe Big Brother in one word as 'fishtank'. It must be two words as I'm getting the red underline, but I'd OK it if I was sub-editing Bear's journey.
Aubrey and Marnie both look gorgeous. I like Aubrey's pastel hair.
OMG Frankie out sixth. I was surprised, but not as much as he was. I LOVED the way he came out of the house with a sprinkle of glitter. Fabulous. He was working it.
Frankie: 'I don't understand how the voting works.' Emma: 'People vote for who's the most popular.' LOL. I guess Ariana doesn't have as much clout as she hoped.
Frankie: 'My fan base is predominantly in America.' And your mind. I love Frankie talking strategy and BBUS! Next up, BB Allstars! Yes. I bet he'd just go back to being an uber cunt again, lol.
I thought Frankie was good in that interview. He's very professional. Bye, our Frank. Frankie asked about Bear in the interview AND Bear was mentioned in his best bits. Bear, bear, bear. What's the opposite of a subliminal message?
Is Aubrey getting booed?! Why! I'm embarrassed for my country. Aubrey mentioned Bear so Emma didn't have to. What is the crowd on? Aubrey was fine. Didn't Tiffany come out in a similar position?
Marnie out next! The Geordie wins are OVER. Yes. Although she's more entertaining than Ricky and nicer than Renee.
Lewis, stop doing loveheart hands. Not for adults. Marnie: 'Bear deserved to win, he's put on a good performance.' Enough said.
My internet has given up the ghost, just like my enthusiasm. This has been a struggle, emotionally, technology-wise, everything. It's all gone wrong.
Ugh, Big Brother is so fake ass. Talking of fake ass, here's Renee out next! The top American dog. Renee: 'My agent and my son are going to be so proud of me.' Priorities. Renee is annoyed she didn't have her Xanax. Yeah, they med you up on BBUS  On CBB they confiscate Lauren Harries sleeping tablets.
There's a lot of glitter on the evictees tonight. Even Emma has glittery eye shadow on.
Honestly, though, how did Fatboy make it to the final 2. He's done NOTHING. He wouldn't even eat that century egg. Trying to scrape together Fatboy's best bits will be like panning for gold in Antarctica.
No holding hands and shit for Bear and Ricky. They couldn't be further apart on the couches.
So Bear won! No shit. Bear should come out riding the zebra. Thought he wasn't even gonna hug Fatboy for a minute then. Say what you like about him - it was a fix, he was a cunt - it's true, but he still deserved it more than them. And he made me laugh. Also, the super obvious ending will hopefully make Endemol etc take a good hard look at themselves and sort out this car crash / joke of a season. Bear even told us to vote for him at the start! Take heed.
I loved Fatboy coming out and spraying aftershave on. It looked like Old Spice though. Task swerver! He could have won if he'd just eaten that century egg. Maybe.
I like the fact Bear had no eviction outfit, bragged about being in the house on his own and then went 'you should have put your money on me.'
I like the way Bear exited the house, cuddling the zebra, posing and then going down the banister. That was cool! Three good exits tonight, all from men!
I like Bear's 'Bear to win' sash also. 'Honestly, I feel great, I knew I was going to win it.' So cocky, lol. It would be great to have that much self confidence though. I admire it.
I love Bear giving Emma shit. I am annoyed with her being rude to him when he's won. Have some respect for your winner. You created that monster.
Emma can't handle him! Mentioning the window smashing but Bear deflecting. They could have ejected him if they were that bothered. The fact is, they want lowest common denominator housemates. The trouble will be trying to get people to sign up to future CBBs.
Bear: 'I'm a good diffuser of situations.' Emma: 'You're a professional wind up merchant.' True.
Emma: 'Couldn't you have broken up with your girlfriend?' Bear: 'Couldn't you have worn a red dress?' Good comeback.
Bear's best bits were too short! He had loads. Is he wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts to advertise Ex on the Beach on the sly? I'm surprised they didn't plug it in the ad breaks they're so shameless.
Emma put up a good fight with Bear but he won.
People on Twit moaning about Bear cheating on his girlfriend etc. Who gives a fuck? What is he, a woman? Did he entertain me? Yes. The end. Was a crap series and we got the winner we deserved.
And you know what the funniest part was? They didn't even show the goodnight section in the end. So you just blew the edifice of your show apart for NOTHING.
Now Big Brother needs to take a long hard look at itself and work out what to do next. I don't have to blog this shit, or pod this shit. Give us the show we deserve, or fuck off. I'm getting too old for this crap, really. I promote your show. Can you make it worthwhile?
PS: Thanks for reading and all the support. I appreciate it. Let me know what you thought of the final in the comments or on Twit. See you soon - one way or another!

Thursday, 25 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Bear, stop being a moron

Following maskgate and Bear vs Audrey it will probably be a quiet show today. I liked that argument yesterday! It seemed genuinely vitriolic AND they actually showed some of it on the live feed. Who knew?
Renee's back on the Bear hate train. I don't see why she ever came off it. Frankie is the 'UN'. The united colours of Frankie-ton. Marnie has done NOTHING since Lewis went. Airtime deficit.
Bear is rehashing Aubrey saying that CBB is going to be his biggest ever achievement. Him: 'It is!' Haha. I like the Madison Square Gardens/ double platinum scoffing. Know your limits! It's true though, why is Aubrey there if she's so rich and famous?
Would you trust Bear to make you beans on toast? I like his little cut out lovehearts. I would so forgive him and I don't even eat beans on toast. Renee is not impressed. She is a serious grudge holder. I can hold a grudge for about two hours, tops.
Oh Fatboy is in the UN with Frankie. Multi-cultural. UK arm in arm with USA. Marnie is gaming in the diary room about her mum. 'She'd be so proooooooud of me!' Yes your shitting during sex story really touched her.
Renee: 'I hope that someone teaches Bear a good lesson. Like the kind of people I know.' DEATH THREAT. POW POW POW. Remember when you got thrown out for that shit? It seems antiquated now. Big Brother doesn't get that we LIKE IT when they enforce the rules, and especially FAIRLY. It's like with parents and kids, we need boundaries, or we run amok (like Bear)
Please stop singing, housemates. Aubrey is 'showing off her talent' to take down Bear. Shame her talent is caterwauling.
Frankie wants everyone to be nice. Good luck with that. Renee won't give Bear any food. It's not Renee's food, is it? Bear wants a jam sandwich. Do you want spit with that?
The 'at home with the housemates task' looks funny. The name could be catchier though. I liked Frankie basically doing eek or chic and calling Renee an oompa loompa. Bear's style gets 10/10. Bear: 'Yes, I'm trendy!' Them on Frankie's hosting: 'He does it for a living.' No, he lives off his sister.
Renee comparing Bear to cancer. A low blow. Fatboy's hosting is crap.
I love the fact Marnie didn't even recognise Lewis's voice. How romantic. Is this the new letters from home? Frankie on James's call: 'He's adorbs.' Saira on the phone! 'Bear, stop being a moron.' Wellll.
Bear has got either ADHD or actressing-itis.
Why has Renee got that huge Maggie Thatcher handbag in the house? I don't recall ever seeing a handbag in the BB house before, ever. Why is she ruining the last couple of days? Renee calling everyone phony. Relax. You're nearly free. Do you think Renee is gonna have Bear bumped off after the show? I hope so. Otherwise, she looks like a mega pussy.
Renee's neck vein popping out as she compares Bear to chewing gum and cancer. Calm down, dear. She needs her meds. Aubrey was actually being a decent friend to her, there, and then led her into the garden like her carer.
Award ceremony! Just give it all to Bear. Marnie is having to choose most deserving winner. It's Frankie! He's crying! LOL. Frankie has cooked and cleaned. Who cares?! That's not entertaining.
I liked Bear stealing Frankie's 'most entertaining' sash, cos Bear is more entertaining.
Bear and Renee making up for airtime at the end. I wish I cared, but that storyline is more worn out than Jason and Charlie's nomance.
So who do you want to win? I believe Bear deserves it the most, as he's carried the series, but I won't vote for him on the grounds of the Ex on the Beach/ MTV murkiness. I would like Frankie to win as I have money on him. Other than that, I couldn't care less. Don't vote. Don't give them money, it only encourages them.

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Page three hurl

Hair apparent
You may notice I haven't blogged for a couple of days cos I'm so fed up with CBB. The Christmas task was a new low, literally anti-entertainment. I have friends (the few who are left who still watch) saying, fuck this shit. It's embarrassing. I don't know how they can justify putting such substandard material out.
Katie 'wow' Weasel really put on a show last night, didn't she? What a mental case, having a go at Frankie for doing the exact same thing she did (nominating her/him!) And then going 'GIMME THE MONEY!' What a psycho. You don't get the money if you walk, bitch.
OMG Emma's hair looks damn good tonight. I'm serious! Not sure about the liquorice allsorts dress, though. I also like Bear's slicked back hair. I love the fact he always looks different. It's called being entertaining.
Frankie n Katie: 'You have to be made of sterner stuff to play Big Brother.' Yes, it's Big Brother, not Big Baby.
Truth hiders! Not as good as trouble risers. Frankie: 'Katie's scrambling.' Frankie's subject changing when Katie walked in the room there was masterful! What a true gamer. Hats off to that, I've not seen such seamless subject changing since me and my friend Lee used to gossip in the kitchen when we worked for Samaritans.
I want to go to Bear's beach club. 'We had to fire the penguins, give them their P45.' He does make me laugh, he's especially good in the diary room.
Frankie for Big Brother Norway! Yes. Aubrey thinks Katie and Sam will go tonight! I pray she's right.
Is Bear's beach club a task or just one of Bear's projects? Bear actually looks quite... smart.
Sex questions! Bear has jerked off in the shower: what would Alex Sibley say? Marnie has pooed on someone in bed. Why am I not surprised? Geordie Shore is obsessed with scat. Fatboy is 'not a gentleman in the bedroom'. My, my! Finally I'm interested in him! I knew he had to have SOMETHING going for him.
Does Frankie have any t-shirts without a hashtag on? Sam's rap and Aubrey's caterwauling. Christ.
Bear's striptease was fun. Frankie enjoyed it!
EVERYONE got booed except Marnie. WHY! Sam looked shocked when she got booed! Ha.
OMG it's Katie and Sam evicted in the two by two. That was the right result! Yes! They look quite co-ordinated in their black and white. Bear is being ungracious as usual. Did Sam say she didn't want to hold hands with Katie? Mean.
Emma: 'Is it nice to come out together?' No it isn't. I don't actually think they should ever do two by two evictions. I think people deserve their own eviction and to get their own eviction song. Remember when that was a thing and it mattered? I know, I'm old school.
Emma calling Katie out for being a hypocrite over the Frankie nom thing.
Sam looks sooooo peeved. I love it. OMG she's talking about being abused by Bear and being nearly blinded by him. Emma's like: 'moving on.'
Sam is so aggrandising, trying to blame the edit etc. She is mega passive aggressive. 'You never showed him trying to blind me!' This is getting a bit awkward. It's not Emma's fault what they show and don't show.
Emma is actually handling this quite well for once. Sam's body language is atrocious. She's being proper snitty. Sam is blaming the edit left right and centre! 'You probably didn't show it' again. How does she know?! Why so bolshy?! Relax. She's right though, I'm sure they would never have shown Bear trying to blind her, haha. Medic!
Katie saying 'Marnie' to win just cos she heard the cheers. Desperate. I would have liked to have known why she fell out with Ricky!
Interesting at the end when Bear was upset that Sam took his mask (I assume it was his swingers mask that he wears with his feather boa). I like watching the others faces when Bear kicks off.
Anyway, it was the right result tonight. Bear will win 100% but if you're so inclined, please chuck a vote on Frankie as I will win £130 if he wins!
By the way, if you're missing the sound of my voice (understandable) check out the latest episode of Sistah Speak, which they kindly asked me to guest on. We talk CBB and BB18. It was a lot of fun, although there is a conversation regarding hair removal that I thought was off the record! Haha. Listen here!

Friday, 19 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Squad (own) goals

This has been the cheapest season on CBB ever for me as I haven't spent a penny voting, because I hate everyone. So I've saved about £3.50. There's your bright side. Well, mine.
I like Emma's top and hair but not the work trousers. I like the fact Bear has different hair every single day. Today he's bleach blonde. He will 100% win. The game is over already. Don't think his ex going in yesterday was a coincidence. He is promoting a programme where exes turn up unexpectedly. It doesn't take Inspector Winston or DI Dan to do that maths. It's product placement taken to the nth degree. Who's the real doughnut? Us, of course.
It's cruel to put people's dogs in the house. James: 'I prefer dogs to humans.'I prefer anything to humans. Llamas, unicorns, it's all happening under the banner of animal cruelty.
Daisy May (James's dog) is all about the airtime. Cute, though! Nice to see him with his dog. Good to have a pet with a double barrelled name, too. Classy.
Lewis taking phone calls in what looks like Michelle Bass's old bedsit is good practice for when he works in a call centre, right? (Too easy).
Frankie got a message from his sister Ariana saying he's 'fan favourite.' What? Britain's favourite player! Who knew? He's going to get a shock when he comes out to a shrug a bit like Bear gave his boot-faced old girlfriend yesterday during the 'am I being funny mummy' task.
It's good to know the nation is embarrassing itself in front of a pop princess, though. What must she think of us? (Mind you, what do we think of her, hating America and having Frankie as a brother?) Just kidding, I like Frankie now. In comparison to these other people, anyway.
How come everyone gets nice things except Bear (oh, so he wins cos of the sympathy vote, got you). Lewis going on about 'the one'. Shut up. Another failed shopping task. They just lob the shopping across the garden anyway. I feel like we've not really seen the housemates starving this year, unfortunately.
Renee's letter: don't care. Bear sulking: don't care. Lewis giving Katie a pep talk: don't care.
Sam going on about her fans again. 'I gave Page 3 girls a voice.' What voice was that? That little box where it tells you what their hobbies are? 'Sam, 50, loves wine and bragging.'
Not sure about giving blowjobs getting rid of your double chin, I suppose shoving a dick in your mouth is less calories than an ice cream (although there's some calories in spunk, right?) Why is Renee always going on about blowjobs? Aubrey has been 'slowing down' giving blowjobs to her gross boyfriend. Renee: 'Put that shit on the counter for a daily chore.' On the counter? WTF? If blowjobs were on my chore list, they'd deffo beat washing up and hoovering. I'd tick blowjobs off first.
Do the housemates know it's a double eviction? It's better when they don't.
Katie is annoyed that Lewis said she just follows others around. Well, she does. She's bugging the crap out of me, actually.
Don't feel THAT sorry for Bear having a one man pity party. 'I'm the only genuine person here.'
Sam doing her coming out story on eviction night. Frankie trying to one up with his coming out story (including his famous sister).
Lewis is giving Katie more BS: 'I don't want to see you as some second place schmuck.' Lewis: 'Look in this mirror and say 'I like myself.' Calling people 'princess' again. Stop that.
I like Bear's pink heart on the side of his head (chic!) Lewis getting some boos, yesss. Aubrey is in some naughty nurse gear. There's a lot of pale pink going on.  Bear's on the zebra again. I was told on Twitter I'm not allowed to find Bear entertaining tonight. How can you decide what OTHER people find entertaining? I actually don't find ANY of them entertaining, but Bear more entertaining in comparison to everyone else, who aren't entertaining me whatsoever.
SAFE from eviction is FATBOY. Nar! I thought it would be Bear. Katie must be fuming after she turned on Fatboy in the week. Who would vote to save Fatboy? He's pointless! Ooh, Emma told them it's a double eviction.
I wonder if they're going out hand in hand? Hope so! Lewis getting boos. Ha.
Bear is actressing big time! He's not sitting on his mark on the couch! Off he goes on his zebra again.
Lewis is out! YESSSSS! And JAMES! OMG. Double trouble. Wish it had been Sam but pleased to see Lewis go. And before James as well, ha. Did James diffuse some of Lewis's boos? That's the trouble with the two by two. You don't get the true boo picture.
The double interview, worse than the double exit. Thank god we don't have to watch the PDAs anymore. I'm glad Marnie outlasted Lewis.
Lewis: 'I quit TV because I was coming across as a bit of a douche.' Um. You can file that under 'This week's CBB in a nutshell.'
Lewis on Marnie: 'I feel like I've done six months with her.' Sounds like a prison sentence.
Lewis wants a woman like his mum: creepy! He's obsessed with his mummy. I hope I never see him again; not even on the front of the magazine (deal).
James thinks Bear can be an 'amazing asset to this country' writing and directing. OK then.
James is off back to Mrs W and Daisy May. Sounds like a good sitcom. James thought BB was going to be 'easy money'. Why is Emma digging him out about chucking coffee over Bear? Who gives a fuck. Don't apologise, James.
Joint best bits. Squad goals!
An hour and a half show and my blog is short as fuck. This show is dead. When does it end? I'm ready to go back to sleep for the winter.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Sam Foxxed

GinaMarie is looking well
Heavy D wakes up for his last morning with a squawk. Bear's hair is getting stupider by the day. Lewis is in the David Gest suite to cool down (hope it's had a wipe down). Marnie is telling off Bear as she might not to get to spend 'a last night with him.' Boo woo.
Frankie is becoming a bit of a DR warrior, which suits me. 'The root of all evil is Bear.' Weeeeelll. Yeah, he is.
Lewis on Marnie: 'Has she got the hump with me?' I hope Frankie takes that as a phrase back to America.
I like seeing them drink tea out of glasses. We used to drink tea out of pint glasses when I was younger. That was a lot of tea, and a lot of card games played to decide who should make the tea.
Lewis on Bear: 'He's got zero readies.' At least he's got a personality and doesn't just deal in inspirational quotes and cliches.
Bear KNOWS he's gonna win this!
Ha, Heavy D starting on Katie. Funny. She is offensively inoffensive. Heavy D: 'You're playing the sympathy card.' For what, having a hooker granny?
Heavy D: 'Why are you even here?' Katie: 'Cos I was paid too, more than you.' That's a low blow.
Heavy: 'You're an X Factor reject, love.' Bear laughing into his shirt, haha. Heavy: 'I'm current!' You think Fatboy would stick up for his fellow fencesitter.
Don't bring being a woman into it, Katie. Desperate. You were the one telling him to fuck off. OMG at 'My grandma is more famous than you.' What a great comeback! He was trying to go there, so she just took it there. Nice one. She is now officially more interesting than Fatboy.
Katie is now going the full nine yards with the grandma story. Great journeying! True gamer. OMG you watched porn with your gran in it! My eyes.
Katie swearing while going 'you can't speak to women that way.' You can't have it both ways, Katie, stop. You can stand up for yourself, clearly, don't bring your vag into it.
Fatboy needs to one up Katie with his sex web cam dope smoking tales now. Still not as good strategy as a porno grandma, though, so he can't win.
Renee telling Fatboy he needs to 'be a man' ie. be violent. Shut up, Renee. Nothing wrong with being mild mannered (in general, just makes for a boring housemate).
Feels like they're showing more of a variety of people tonight. Bear is right though, lot of people slipping through the net in there. FLOATERS.
Ugh Lewis being pleased Heavy D went and he was safe. Gross.
Face to face noms time! Bring it. It's kind of sad we don't get to hear the reasons they would nominate Bear for each week, isn't it? It does force them to put Lewis up each time, though, so oh well.
Aubrey nommed James and Lewis. James nommed Lewis (for being a threat) and Marnie (for being a threat).
Sam nommed James for saying 'she looked very old' and Lewis. Katie nommed James and Ricky. WHAT! Ricky over Lewis and Marnie?! WTF. WHAT HAPPENED. What did I miss!?
Renee nommed James and Ricky!The fencesitting is failing!
Ricky nominated James and Lewis. (No one ever nominates Frankie, ha)
Bear nommed Sam for bringing NOTHINK. He's right. I hate Sam, she's so sour. And Fatboy! Yes. On point!
Marnie nommed James and Frankie (what!!) Frankie nommed James and Lewis (as he detests violence).
Ooh Lewis nommed Sam and Aubrey! Interesting. Hope Sam goes. Is she off her face?
James, Lewis, Ricky and Sam on the block with Bear. Ricky could go. Sam is a sore loser! So you're on the block, deal with it. Entitled cow.
Will be funny if Sam and Fatboy go, as they're so righteous.
Sam is confident she's a good person and has a fanbase. GOOD PERSON. Self proclaimed feminist icon, unless she looks down on you for getting YOUR boobs out because you're not her.
Lewis in the DR wearing a pinstripe suit for no reason: 'You cannot judge a man in times of comfort and convenience.' Say what? Save it for the the magazine deal. 'Like sand in a man or woman's hand.' I proper laughed. What an absolute bellend. He is an almighty douchelord. Like, I don't even believe he's real. That's not a person.
I liked Aubrey calling Bear 'Beaver.' Good one! Why IS Renee not up! Boo.
The Americans in the DR. Frankie: 'Team America.' Haha. Renee wants to keep it interesting by keeping Bear in. Make your mind up! Frankie not so sure.
What is Bear counting? That's what got Da'vonne in trouble in BBUS last year. Bit of a weak ending. It did feel a BIT more balanced tonight, though. Too little, too late?

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Boom-in-laterz

Boomtown Twats
Who would vote to save any of these cunts? No, really? I'm saving at least £3.50 this series of CBB as I despise everyone. Most unrootable cast ever. At least McGiff's season had Abz and the swan apple for a bit of light relief. Someone's been let loose with the crazy colours hairspray! Wooo! Rebels.
Lewis now changing his tune and telling Bear he's on his side. Make your mind up! You were pissing and moaning about him yesterday. Bear is right, there is a reason they put Lewis up. He's an arse.
Lewis giving Marnie a motivational speech about 'targets' and then saying, 'you're lovely and so am I.' Then going on about the media. Blah! Transparent. Even Marnie, who is half cretin, must see through this shit.
I hate Sam Fox now, by the way. Saw her on live feed being a sanctimonious cow, and also using two face wipes simultaneously to take her make up off (wasteful). She thinks she's king of the world in that house, and I'm fed up with her 'family friendly' slutshaming. Wasn't there a countdown to you being able to get your boobs out when you were 16? Fuck off, hypocrite.
Ha, Aubrey forgot Fatboy was even a man in the house. Aubrey: 'There's something wrong with Heavy D more than his personality.' I agree. His looks, his dress sense, his use of the English language.
I like Heavy D not knowing Aubrey's name after all this time. I kind of like his bleached eyebrows, too. I'm calling chic!
Frankie's impressions in the diary room are fair to middling. Mind you, I can't talk.
Why is Lewis always talking in management speak? He's like a mini David Brent. He looked disgusted at the thought of being in Geordie Shore, like TOWIE is Downton Abbey or something. 'I don't want to be on TV.' Aubrey: 'Why are you here then?' 'So I can buy my mum a house, that's why, princess.' Patronising cunt. I'd knock his teeth out for that shit. I'm glad Aubrey was quizzing him. She sees right through his BS.
Renee to Marnie: 'Don't give up your day job.' Good advice.
Haha, Aubrey telling Marnie that Lewis had a girlfriend already. LOL. She's on form tonight.
Marnie confronting him then Heavy D taking the piss, haha. I like Bear laughing at it. No loyalty! Lewis: 'I'm a 26 year old man.' At what age do you stop saying your age in arguments? I think about 13?
Lewis being an aggressive prick as usual. Notice when Lewis and Heavy D square up to each other, Big Brother says NOTHING. Only when Lewis 'dashes bare water' (t.m. Aisylene) in Heavy D's face do they say anything.
Lewis: 'I stood my ground in front of my girlfriend.' 26? He comes across like he's 12. He's a total numpty. What a total gimp.
Bear appreciates a fellow trouble riser in Heavy D more than his 'friend' Lewis. I'm like that, if someone makes me laugh, I don't give a fuck who's side they're on. They made me laugh, they win.
Lewis getting a warning for saying 'you're a big fat pussy, son.' Ha. Oh and messing with the fixtures and fittings. This Big Brother isn't that stern. A formal and final warning. But we can't kick you out yet, because you're up for eviction.
Ha, Bear is getting cheers, LOL! WTF Lewis is getting cheers! Why! Hold on, Renee is getting cheers!? Everyone is getting cheered, and everyone is an arsehole. Go figure.
I like Bear riding the zebra agog when Heavy D went. ROOTHLESS! I liked him running up the stairs to say goodbye, too.
Heavy D's underpants attire is quite good. Emma giving him a strong tell off. Come on, he's pretty harmless. Relax, Emma.
Heavy D: 'These people are coasting and trying to get an easy paycheck. I'm making them earn their money.' Totally agree!
Heavy D was trying to ride the middle. I liked him calling himself a 'loveable rogue' and saying 'there's a bit of Heavy D in everyone.' Blergh!
At least Heavy D can go squawk in the morning in peace now.
When they advertise Ex on the Beach in between Big Brother, it does make you think they're lining up a Bear win, doesn't it? But is Bear a good advert for that show? WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Cos we don't watch that shit. And soon: maybe not this shit either.
Just kidding, we'll always watch it. Ha!

Monday, 15 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Gameplan first, money second

Jam doughnuts
School task! It's just an opportunity to put Bear in a dunce hat, isn't it? Will he wear it better than Dappy? 'What you gonna tell your daughter?' etc. I bet Bear doesn't have any A levels like Dappy.  Or was it just GCSEs? I forget.
Fatboy has been perfectly cast as head boy, cos he's already like the school monitor/ swot. Aubrey is HBIC: head bitch in charge. Or head bimbo in charge if you're sexist (which I'm not).
I can imagine this is JUST what Bear was like at school. A fucking nightmare. He's ruining the task, ha. Why put in a task which encourages bullying/ behaving like brats. Well, I know why, but. Don't be surprised when it all kicks off!
Sam Fox used to charge 10p for kisses. Prostitute! Was selling her body from a young age (I'm just kidding, for those with a sensitive disposition).
What has Bear got against coffee?! He's a chronic coffee spiller. I fucking hate coffee, so I don't care. He should destroy someone's cigarettes, then we'll really see how much self-restraint people have. Fatboy is LOVING being in charge.
Bear has less respect for tasks than Gemma Collins. I still hate the GC more, though. I'm still surprised no one has strangled him yet.
I like Bear mis-remembering the rules in the DR (sorry, headmaster's office). How do you handle him?! I have no idea. Big Brother clearly doesn't, either.
Lewis would 'fight a shark' for Marnie. Can we book the aquarium now, cos I'm sure we'd shift some tickets, it'd be a bigger seller than his TOWIE boxing match mess (I only even know about that cos someone sent me the clip). He's an 'adrenaline junkie' or a coke head, as Bear would call it.
James is apologising to Aubrey for nominating her. Who cares? 'Mrs W' as he calls his wife, sounds like something out of a sitcom. She probably doesn't even exist.
Life drawing class! How long before Bear assaults one of the models? I actually quite like his art. Not so much is petty intimidation tactics, though. I was on board with him a couple of days ago, he's grinding my gears a bit today. 
Fatboy said Bear has been using his 'third eye'. Excuse me?
I like the little school hall set up they've got going on. I love them trying to to make Heavy D say boom by playing songs with that word in. Great idea! Did you see Lewis's dancing, by the way? He looked like an estate agent 'throwing shapes' at the Christmas party. And Frankie Grande enjoying himself in the mirror? God, why did I bet money on him to win?
The yearbook bit was a bit cringe. Katie most likely to make people laugh? Have I missed something? Most likely to shout at people in an American accent then run off for a cry, more like.
Lewis: 'I would never do a spin off show.' What else have you got going on?! You're no Josie and John James, are you? You don't even have any decks. 'Love first, money second.' Why is he saying this shit? It's like when John James got so annoyed about magazine deals and then did one. Lewis is FAKE ASS. At least Bear is as advertised; a ginormous prick. Lewis is a cunt in prick's clothing.
Renee's romantic tales of dating a gangster. Should Lewis and Marnie marry after 18 days? Only if their agent tells them to. It's not even Big Brother brain. At least that's a real condition. They've just got famewhore-itis.
Lewis showing off his elephant cock and balls. His balls are marginally more attractive than his dancing.
Bear is destroying the year book 'because he wants to.' He's also talking like a baby. Fatboy is FUMING. Katie: 'Bear is writing his opinions in jam.' Probably one of the best lines of the series. Second time this series jam has had a starring role in a storyline. Jam is BIGGER player in the house than Katie. Jam is an airtime whore.
Lewis and Marnie pretending they care about the jam/yearbook in the diary room. They don't give a fuck, they've got their eye on the endgame! Lewis: 'He's not my best friend in the house, Marnie is.' Grow up. I've never seen a scrotum journeying before. Yet here it is, right before my very eyes.