Thursday, 1 February 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Feel good finale eve!

So I kind of gave up blogging this series because it went a bit quiet and podcasting for three plus hours a week felt like enough. But I wanted to do a general overview and final blog.
I have really enjoyed the series and the casting was good on the whole. The triple eviction of Andrew, Dapper and Jonny was really stupid and made the final week a lot duller. To give one side power, have four up and kick three out is not good (quick) maths. I really misssed Andrew as a character (although I've heard we'll see him tonight - mixed feelings on that) and I thought the way Emma treated him in his interview was so disproportionate to what he actually did (called Ann a cunt - which she is) that it was offensive in itself. The fact that Daniel came out and didn't get pulled up on his continuous casual sexism (probably because he was going to propose to his girlfriend) was disappointing yet entirely predictable. I personally thought Andrew was spot on with what he said to Ann and with her 'protector of the unborn' crap last night, that was the final nail in her coffin for me. Do what you want with your withered womb Ann, but don't tell me what to do with mine. Ever.
As we predicted. Ann vs Courtney has become the story of the final week, and will be the the story of the final, with the result shining a light on us as a nation. Are we going to tolerate (and reward) the intolerant? My fear is that the answer is yes. Please say it aint so. Yet, Jim Davidson. 
So in tonight's episode all the old housemates are coming back, which is fine and will be entertaining, and I'm here for it... as long as it doesn't blow up Shane/Courtney's game.
Ginuwine is waking up the housemates, as opposed to putting them to sleep for once.
Where did these strippers come from! Wayne grabbing his crotch I can live without, although I do like Wayne (especially when he's drunk). I hope one of the strippers sits on Ann's lap.
Wayne after Ann scarpered: 'Ann is such a spoilsport but more for us.' Ha!
Male strippers are so gross. I couldn't look at them first thing in the morning either, to be honest. But I would... just because it was something new to look at.
John 'kick them out of the club' Barnes is now making Ann and Jess play football. That is a bad punishment. Sports bra needed for Ann, please. I put a sports bra on to play Just Dance earlier. You gotta keep those boobs in check.
I really HATE Ann talking to the camera. She's no Dan Gheesling and it's such an airtime grab. Just cos she can't interact with human housemates. She is a true gamer, which I don't mind, it's just her odious views she can keep.
India is reading the CBB news. I like her haircut. Fun watching them show Courtney's (fake) fall going in. You can tell it was fake because Shane J didn't look appalled, but who cares if it was fake? (Yeah, fuck off Amanda). It was hilarious. I like them watching clips of themselves. Shane L making a sandwich is literally his highlight of the series.
Amanda bathing Wayne, ha! Jess's 'cucumbers have salmonella' crap was the fakest shit I've ever seen (even though apparently it was true, I don't believe it). Also, Jess should have spoken up for herself yesterday when they were talking about sex on TV. Instead she sold her mates out. Not cool.
Ha, they are showing Dapper's proposal (one of the most cringe TV moments of the year so far... one step up from getting engaged on The Jeremy Kyle show).
India is summarising them all at the end. Said Shane J could risk 'becoming preachy'. Leave him alone. Watching Shane J get ostracised over the past week has been hard to watch as his heart is in the right place. Unlike someone in there who doesn't have one.
India mentioning her gender to Ann, ha. Ha, Ann throwing shade at India saying the public wasn't behind her. Then saying 'thank heavens the public don't have gender dysmorphia.' Oh dear.
Ann: 'India has a persecution complex.' That could be partly true but I still think she was a great housemate.
Dapper is now talking to the house. How is Jess so good at the 'yes/no' game when she's so 'dumb', hmm? I'm crap at it.
Shane J is soooo happy to see Daniel, aw! Shane J would like a night with Andrew where he couldn't talk. Me too!
I love Andrew talking from the memory wall, that's proper Tree of Temptation territory. My heart actually soared. It was proper Big Brother magic there. Like William going down the tunnel or Surly in the fishtank. It was such a good idea.
Wayne thinking Courtney was kissing Andrew's picture on the wall was so cute. I saw on Twitter Andrew gave Ann the finger when she walked past but I missed it! Legend.
Ha, Courtney confessing her 'love' for Andrew to Jess and then 'flirting with Wayne'. She looks ten foot taller than him.
Shane J then has to get Ann to try on one of her wigs. Haaa to Andrew giving it the thumbs up in the background! I wish Ann had seen it. Courtney; 'I don't think it's you' to Ann. Lolllllll. I'll say.
Wayne and Courtney are both dressed quite gaudily and similarly!
Andrew looks the best I've ever seen him inside the wall and he's coming across the nicest he ever has. Plus he's not had a go at Ann yet. Oh hold on, 'You smashed it, every single one of you. Even you, Ann.' Great passive aggressive stuff there! Just the right tone.
Oh no, they're making Rachel rap again. Why! 'Shane L did all the cooking but did you ever open your mouth' was a good line, though.
Ah all the old housemates coming back in. India: 'Ann, we will have a hug.' Jess sobbing to see Ashley! Why!
Aw the boys are in the hot tub! That's really cute actually. Another good idea from the task team. Ahhh Andrew's hug and kiss for Courtney brought a tear to my eye. Love them!
The housemates must be getting sooooo much info from this lot. This is why we don't have nice things - I mean live feed.
India is like the ghost at the feast, ha. She's counselling Courtney, bloody hell. Her advice is actually good. 'Your work is done' to Courtney. That seemed pretty genuine. Courtney looks stunning tonight.
India to Andrew and Courtney: 'Love comes in many forms.' True. Andrew, India and Courtney 'would be the craziest threesome in the world.' I liked India's 'I'm not being the jam in your sandwich, though.'
Rachel is trying to get the goss out of Andrew and Shane. Rachel saying Andrew's sign to Shane 'broke the internet.' Stop, Rachel. You're too old for memes.
What is this fake ass crap between Ashley and Ginuwine. Way to ruin my buzz. Scripted or what? Have they not spoken since they've been in the outside world?! Take your fake shit back to Made in Chelsea, bitch. 
Courtney and Andrew in the loo. Andrew is DEFINITELY getting a blowjob tomorrow night. His goodbye to Courtney: 'You are the most amazing thing I've met.' Thing! I have to hand it to him though, he didn't go in and tear into Ann. Much as I'd have liked to see it, it was best for Courtney's game that he didn't.
Malika going 'just win' to Courtney, aw.
Aw that was cute when the old housemates were at the top of the stairs. What a feel good episode! I wasn't expecting it, especially since this week has been a bit flat. Bringing the old housemates back could have easily gone another way, so well done to Ted (aka the producers) for keeping it light. We've had enough debates to last us the whole of 2018.
BB on Blast listeners, please give Shane J a vote! See you for Celebrity Big Brother US, which starts on 7th February. If you've never watched a BBUS this could be a good introduction to it. Enjoy the final, thanks for reading.

Thursday, 11 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Playing the victim for strategy

Task! Is this the first proper task? They have dressed them all up like Stepford wives and 50s husbands and the men have to go work in the factory. Looks like they've had a proper makeover. Hmm. Outside contact?!
The women are waiting on the men and cooking them breakfast.
BUT THE REAL TASK IS. The women have to work in the factory too and beat the men. They seem quite happy about it, even Ann!
I'm not really paying attention to this task. Do they girls have an advantage because they know they're in competition with the boys?
The task is OK to watch not very good to blog about. Everyone is raving about it but I'm like 'meh'. My standard is people hanging off a wall on BBUS. Courtney is given a cue card (I imagine) saying 'What do you think about Donald Trump's locker room talk?' Andrew's obviously been given another cue card saying he has to say 'allegedly' before he says anything about Harvey Weinstein. Sigh. 'Innocent until proven guilty!' Tell that to Jimmy Saville.
Ginuwine is saying women might be making up some of the claims. Courtney is there to set him straight: 'The statistic of people misreporting sex crimes is very small. That's blaming the victim.' Oh my God, I love her so much. She is one of the only people on Big Brother that I not only enjoy watching, but that I'd also love to be friends with. I feel like I'd learn such a lot, and also have a bloody great time. He/she HAS to win.
Ashley is apologising to India for something. I don't know what for. I blinked and missed it.
Amanda: 'India's playing the victim is a strategy.' India: 'Where did that come from?' Where indeed! Who grassed up India? I think she was talking to Dapper about playing up her role, wasn't she? Snitch!
All the boys came back into the house and the women pretended they cleaned it, but were thwarted by Shane/ Courtney's questions about extension cords and the length of the cord. He wanted to know ALL the details. Jess is not a very good liar. Thwarted!
Ashley talking about women messing with the milkman back in the day. Ashley: 'Just so you know, I don't cheat.' Ginuwine: 'I've got more than enough for you.' Yuck.
Maggie is trying to get the dirt: 'You two look very cosy.' Ashley: 'I hug everyone.' Bitch, please.
They are now recycling stuff. Topical. Ooglies! Wayne Sleep is channeling Leslie Jordan with those glasses. 'Get the fuck outta here!' I like Wayne Sleep though! He seems sweet.
Dapper: 'Do you have feelings for Ashley?' Ginuwine: *laughing* 'I don't even know her.' Nice. Dapper has a great way of bringing out the worst in the men. Also, I don't want to look at his bum crack.
The men are talking about shaving their pubes. Wayne is interested in doing it cos it makes your dick look bigger. Thanks for that image, Wayne. Men who shave their pubes are girls. I'm not a fan.
Shane L is talking about Stephen Gately's coming out story. Poor Steo. RIP.
Did I really just heard Andrew from the Apprentice use the term 'cis women'? I have officially seen it all. That is some futuristic shit. I think I have only ever read that online (oh no, we did discuss it in my office actually). Andrew is discussing vaginas with India. India chose hers from a book.
Malika says Jonny has come out of his shell. But Ashley knows what the British crowd are like, and we like the drama of India. Malika doesn't have a clue how this show works! She'll get a shock when someone gets booed to hell and then stays and the winner gets booed. That's how it works in Borehamwood. We keep you on your toes.
Andrew likes a bit of lip, a bit of labia on the vagina. Not good news for Courtney, as hers is made of masking tape.
The boys think Ashley and Ginuwine are going to kiss tonight. But they have to say it in such a laddy, horrible way.
Interesting that India said she likes Ashley and that Ashley 'is patient with her.' I wouldn't like to have a personality where people had to be patient with me.
India is regretting going on about gender too much. India is gaming now. I love it. India is in full game mode. 'Everyone is banking on me going out.. but maybe there's still time.' YES. India must stay. What is Jonny doing? Smiling and dribbling?
Ashley is perving on Ginuwine through the bedroom window and he's beckoning her into bed. But she didn't go. Their relationship is quite old skool Big Brother as well, it's very slow moving, but the difference is, I don't care what happens as I don't care about either of them. I don't hate them, I'm just blah on them. BLAH.
New BBonBlast coming tomorrow night! If you like the podcast SAVE INDIA. Cheers!

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: I straddle the gender divide

I just noticed for the first time Marcus not saying 'day 8'! That is odd. Bit I only just noticed. So how odd is it?
Who are Wayne and Maggie mad about? India? I enjoyed them bitching about people 'holding court.'
Racism talk! John is right, they wouldn't put 'white' in front of the word 'paedophile gang.' Interesting to hear about the press regulations.
Malika from KUWTK giving Ann Widdecome a haircut. Whatever next!
Marcus: 'India is bringing the conversation back to her favourite subject - herself.' SHADE.
India is annoyed that men would feel more comfortable flirting with Shane/ Courtney. The Shane's saying 'it's your attitude' to her. Shane/ Courtney is very astute to say it's not coming across well to us at home too.
Shane L: 'Don't be angerfied.' To be sure.
Ann's haircut looks great! I like Ann's pride about her thick hair and hair colour. Not so sure about her make up though. She looks like she has pink eye. Can't they do her some smoky eye!
Ahhh Ann was happy to get wolf whistled therefore good looking girls who get harassed daily should be OK with it. Ann saying women are easily offended and po faced. Yes, we know you are, Ann.
Ginuwine mentioning his name is Elgin Lumpkin. I already knew that! I have a Ginuwine fan in my office.
Secret mission! Malika is on a task to do some things. Swap beds, give compliments, play pranks. Yes as usual, I wasn't listening, ha. Someone won some shortbread.
Ginuwine and Ashley might be my least favourite showmance ever. Stone cold.
Ann prefers Shane as Shane. She thinks Courtney is a tart! Courtney: 'I straddle the gender divide.' Ann: 'Courtney is a tramp.' Poor Courtney! Don't let her get abused like that, Shane! Stick up for yourself, ha.
Ginuwine asking Wayne when he came out 'as it was hard back then.' Wayne didn't want to come out while his mum was alive. It's nice Ginuwine is taking an interest. Not good at pretending he knows who Queen is, though. Americans are always flossing their teeth!
Wayne is doing his jungle tales. Wayne thinks Big Brother is tougher than the jungle. He said, at least in the jungle you see Ant and Dec every morning. I could like without that, to be honest. Wayne got annoyed because Rachel got distracted while talking to him and he wanted the attention, ha. Rachel is kind of annoying. She's in the middle of every fucking thing.
At least they're racing through the face to face noms. The editing has been really good this year, they're not treating us like memory-less five year olds.
Why did Ann nominate Andrew! I thought she liked him, Maybe she finds him flirting with her a bit cringy. Ann actually looks good in the red, sparkly dress. She scrubs up reasonably!
Ann: 'I hope India goes and not you' to Jonny, ha. 'You weren't even on my radar.'
Courtney: 'Are you going for redemption or panto villian?' to India. They edited that from yesterday and actually made India look a bit better as India said she was going to wage war.
Dapper pointing out that the crowd didn't like India. I don't like India's pearly lipstick. I hate glossy lipstick! Keep it matte.
Courtney asking Malika if she would be OK going out with a guy who has slept with men. She said no. I guess bisexual men should be pleased when they get a girlfriend who doesn't mind (ie. me!)
Andrew and Ashley are bitching about India having a go at Ginuwine.
Courtney had a threesome with two girls who were lesbians. How does that work!
Dressing gown watch: I like Maggie's dressing gown and India's dressing gown.
India has actually taken being nominated pretty well. I would not have called it. India: 'What do the people who push the numbers want to see?' I want to see more India. India: 'People have done very well out of that.' GAMER!
Malika says India is a ticking time bomb on the sofa. Doesn't seem that way to me, but I've only seen about three minutes of it, I guess.
Rachel is sorry for giving a stupid reason for nominating Jonny (because she fancies him). She's planning on getting off with him in the toilet ha.
Ashley is washing Ginuwine's clothes. 'I nearly folded them and thought I'm not his wife... yet.' No, but you could be his next babymomma. Give it a week.
I saw this sexual harassment chat on the live feed. Malika was making some good points. John: 'Men haven't got worse, women are just not accepting the behaviour.' Interesting.
Dapper bringing it back to the men like the little misogynistic prick he is.
Courtney is so smart. I love her challenging Dapper's stupid views. 'It's not just about intent... a woman can't go up to men and challenge them.' Dapper thinks men would be all cool with it. What would actually happen is instead of them wolf whistling you, they'd call you a frigid or an ugly fat bitch.
Jess and Ashley are pissed in the bath talking shit. I don't know what the fuck they're on about. Secret code? Look at that glittery, smoky eyeshadow on Jess. Christmas is over!
Andrew likes flirting with Courtney. Maybe she can help him come out. Dapper's stories whenever they show Ashley and Ginuwine holding hands are so awful. I would vote him out in two seconds flat if I was in there. I can't believe he didn't get one vote!
Jonny telling Courtney to 'break Andrew's metaphorical walls down.' I think it might go a bit further than that. I hope it does! Mantub redux! Dragtub!
Courtney didn't think she'd be friends with the laddy lads. She probably wouldn't be if she heard the way they talk in private.
I'm still really enjoying CBB. It just feels so fresh this year. I don't want it to end! And BOTS on straight after? It's almost like someone who cares about the show is making the show again!

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: 'Go back to Love Island'

My friend whose girlfriend is trans told me today that her girlfriend and other trans people she knows are getting more abuse (than usual) because of India being in Big Brother. She said, (and I don't think she'll mind me quoting this part): "It's deepening the divide between binary and nb trans people, and between the trans and drag communities." You open the trapdoor to the bigots, and they take it onto the streets. Scary when it's a real person, my friend's real girlfriend, and not just a TV character, isn't it? Scary when you say something awful on Twitter and see others say it on Twitter, you then think it's OK to shout it at someone in the street. This is people's reality, not a scene on a show.
Which brings us onto the face to face nominations, in which every person will nominate India. I actually wish she was immune because I don't want her to go out first, even though she gets on my nerves. I just can't bear the booing.
That background version of the Big Brother music still sends a shiver down my spine, unlike those idiots going 'woo woo' who need slapping. I like Emma's pink coat.
Only the women can vote... but they can vote for each other. And they will. Ann will delight in nominating two women.
I wish Big Brother would stop showing this same old conversation. There must be some other shit happening in the house.
Shane/ Courtney says newly trans people go through a short of adolescence. I can see that.
John Barnes gets what India is scared of - the same thing I've been saying all week! Who'd have thought it, a thoughtful footballer! *Mind blown*
Shane is doing the Boyzone files. Ronan thinks he's is clearly a cut above the others. I despise Ronan Keating. I haven't a strong idea of what I really think about Shane L yet. He seems a decent bloke so far.
Ginuwine says Ashley is going to come to the states and see him. That was fast work! 'You might find us kissing in the spa... who knows.' Hope not.
Ann is talking to Rachel about why Boris withdrew from being Conservative leader. Apparently it was because there wasn't many people backing him (or as Gaz just said, in rather a good tweet, even I must admit, Boris's alliance didn't have the numbers). Rachel gave something away there... that Boris is not really chaotic. You don't say! It's all an act.
Dapper 'If you had to pick one of the girls to hook up with for one night, who would you? Ashley knows how to handle herself.' Andrew: 'They're all fit, I'd bang them all, but why just for one night?' Prince Charming, is that you? Dapper needs to 'recover afterwards.' In your fucking dreams, mate. Reminiscent of 'Absolutely fantastic' Ash's 'slutbuckets' chat with Marlon. YEAR OF THE WOMAN.
Dapper is telling a story about his crappy horror film 'Fanged up' but we're only hearing about it because Ashley and Ginuwine are holding hands during it. They have about as much chemistry as Peter and Toyah in Corrie.
Jonny wearing a onesie covered in birdshit there. Have to bring back eek or chic for that one.
Rachel doesn't want to leave her bed for Ginuwine and is being accused of 'cockblocking.' I prefer to think of it as keeping the population down.
Ann Widdecome thinks Meghan Markle is trouble. Is it because she is black? Yes. Meghan Markle seems nothing but lovely. Not compliant enough for you, Ann? Own career! Scary! Oh strong woman! Not a little mouse like Kate.
Courtney's balls are tucked up inside! John Barnes and Shane L aren't impressed. 'my balls wouldn't go inside' says John, ha.
Ashley has put eye make up on Ann! She looks nice! I likes Ashley saying 'should I tone it down?' even though there's none on there. That was considerate.
Even John Barnes has to ask Courtney if he wants to be a woman! See, people are so confused. Big Brother is educating people. I love 'it's a rich tapestry.'
TALENT SHOW TIME. Shane's singing is fucking dreadful. I can sing better than that. The women crying at it! It was shit!
Malika looks like she's had botox in the house. Outside contact!
Andrew did juggling cos he has no talent. I like them playing John's song. They should have got him to sing it. OMG he's actually rapping to it. Karaoke classic. John is in his element. I love what I've seen of him so far.
Jonny is chatting people up as a talent. Is that a talent? Actually, it can be. But not in this instance.
Tap dancing. Oh Lord, Dapper's stand up comedy. I'm not calling him Daniel anymore as he's clearly just Dapper. Are his jokes written down? Writing materials! And he slutshamed Ashley!
Andrew on Ginuwine: 'He's got 9 kids, he doesn't wear condoms.' Yuck.
Courtney's song was great. I LOVE her outfit. I can see the Kylie Minogue thing now. India and Ann's faces: standard. BODY PARTS!
Ginuwine is singing his song Pony, which is aptly named. Crap!
LOL Malika voted for Shane L to win the talent show. Pity vote! Courtney was the clear winner. Ashley being her usual do-gooding self and voting for Dapper after he slutshamed her. Dumbo!
Ann nominated Wayne, ha. Old people's entertainment. Pity votes for Jonny, too, as he has no talent. Good of India to nominate Courtney. True gaming! Ah but she wrote 'Shane' on the board and not Courtney! Courtney does not miss a trick. 'People are feeling eggshelly. Drag-queen-o-phobia.' Great turns of phrases! Went to bet on her today, but the odds were no good. She was favourite to win. Remember when I put that bet on India! Oops.
Courtney is showing India her chicken fillets and her gloves with nails. Gloves with nails! I could see them on Dragon's Den.
Ginuwine is regaling Ashley with his showbiz tales of nearly ponying Janet Jackson.
Dapper thought Courtney was a woman when she came in. Did he just say, 'I could have fucked it!' I can't rewind it right now! Courtney's pink wig is gorgeous.
I think Ginuwine must smell really great because I don't see the appeal myself. And I'm sure he won't mind me saying, as he did about India, ha.
Do women REALLY get offended by men opening doors for them? Let's see... I'm a woman... I'm a feminist... no, we don't. Urban myth!
Courtney in the hot tub in her earrings and wig! Love it.
Dapper is nervous about the first eviction. I hope he should be.
India is worried about 'the coven of witches' nominating her. But then said 'Bring on the real Big Brother where the knives come out... bring it on.'
OK then!
Emma is talking to the house. Nice to see them all dressed up for once!
The women are now losing control and the sexes will battle for power. HOH!
Emma is in the house. I bet the women turn on each other. Cannibalism time! Ah, those gold bubble envelopes. 10 for £1 in Poundland.
Emma enforcing the rules and chatting to them. The rules don't seem that hard tbh. Two pics in the envelope. Get on with it.
Malika nominated Andrew for not cleaning the toilet even though he's not the 'toilet person.'
Ann saying Malika's reason for nominating her wasn't valid 'because they're torturing her.' Fuck off Ann. You don't want to know the real reason.
Rachel nominated India and Johnny for being good looking. India nominated India and Johnny because of something in the outside. Don't think that should be allowed. The crowd are cheering when India gets nominated. Yuck.
India nominated Ann for not taking part in the tasks and Ginuwine because he doesn't fancy her, basically.
Amanda also nominated Jonny for being 'on the outside edge of the group' and said 'Go back to Love Island.' Best words ever said in the house. Love Island-ist! And Amanda nommed India.
And Maggie nommed India about the beds. And Maggie nommed Jonny. What's Jonny done to deserve it! He seems OK. Pointless, but OK.
Jess nominated India for 'not respecting her elders' and Ann. Why is Jess talking so fast?
Ann nominated India for causing too many rows and Andrew for being laddish. I thought she was sweet on Andrew! That didn't last long.
It's good no one is being evicted until Friday. We're definitely getting our money's worth from the housemates.
The housemates up are India and Johnny in a head to head! OMG. I love a good face off. I hate it when there's twenty odd up.
Ooooh! That little snippet of Courtney saying to India 'are you going to be the panto villain now' because India said it was easy to nominate. Just five seconds and there's so much there! Delicious.
I liked the way Emma said 'thanks for watching and have a good night' at the end. It made me feel like the night wasn't over. But is basically is.

Monday, 8 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: You were attracted to a Dalek?

We did an epic podcast last night, woo. Check it out if you have a spare three hours. Yes, three hours.
I think I might be getting a bit sick of gender talk now. Can we have some other storylines please? But that might be because I talked about it for three hours, right.
India and John are talking about guys coming out in football. That's why I don't like football. It closets people. India is living in la la land if she thinks a gay footballer will get a standing ovation.
Andrew calling gay people 'weak' basically saying being gay could be considered a sign of weakness? Why! Are gay players not going to be able to kick straight? Are women footballers too busy doing their hair?
I like Shane (Courtney's) sex tales. Shane says Courtney is more than an act, it's 'part of her gender expression.' That's interesting.
India's vagina works and she can orgasm. She was watching Doctor Who on Christmas Day and got a flutter down there while looking at a Dalek. Whatever floats your boat! Festive fun. Interesting hearing the difference between the male and female orgasm from someone who's had both.
Rachel is looking for the next step of what to do in her life. Oh, Ann actually gave Rachel a compliment saying what she does is just as valid as her brothers. Fuck me.
Shane Lynch doing the Stephen Gately tales. I'll never forget Jan Moir and how she spoke about him in the Daily Mail. Absolutely unforgivable and despicable. She basically said he died because of drugs (not true) and asked for it because he was gay. Disgusting. I do genuinely wish an early death on her for that.
What is this task? Oh they're all telling embarrassing stories. I can't write all these down. Ann is not too happy with stories about shitting yourself. Big Brother people are obsessed with shitting and pissing.
Oh, they have to tell who's lying! I always miss the task instructions and get lost halfway! I need Gaz here to help me.
The Michael Jackson impersonating was fun. I could live without all this wank talk as well. This feels like boring barrel scraping Big Brother to me, like one of the bad old seasons past.
Ginuwine is hating on Trump. Ann of course, hates Hillary, because she hates all women.
Andrew is getting dragged up. He wants a 'PC' drag name for Ann's benefit. 'Betty Swallocks' doesn't sound THAT PC. to be honest.
India saying 'before it turns up' about Andrew as a drag queen. India doesn't want it to look homophobic that she doesn't want to see a straight man in drag. Um? Malika is right, India could just go in another room, but she'd rather have the storyline. Dapper: 'I have a phobia of ex Love Island contestants.' That was actually half funny.
How strong is that sellotape? I can't even get a plaster to stick to my foot. Andrew's ass cheeks are stuck together cos he's taped his dick between his legs, ha. 'It's going to hurt when it comes off.'
Andrew does look good in drag. India is pretending she's freaked out. She is a serious attention seeker. Jess and Rachel are right to comment. Mind you, I have an actual phobia, and I could not confront it, and other people would find it irrational and call me stupid, so there you go.
I do think India is insane. But I feel protective over her because of how much shit she gets on Twitter.
Andrew seems very comfortable in drag. I like the fact he enjoys looking ten out of ten, ha.
Andre is taking his make up off to appease nutty India. That's nice of him. Ooh, I wouldn't relish pulling that tape off. Ebay?
Andrew just spoke to India like she was five. But then she is acting like she's five, so. It's getting really hard to defend her, except against transphobia. She is acting up a lot.
Dapper thinks one of the guys should get with Jess, because he wants to but can't.
Ashley is talking to Ginuwine about her future career and how she wants to have a baby. Number 10? You could be stepmum to one of his?
Ginuwine wants more kids! How the fuck does he keep track of nine! With five women, I think I heard on the radio today. Dog!
India comes back to the living room with mascara all down her face. 'I'm not a special type of woman. I'm a woman.' Malika walks off. India doesn't like people laughing at a man dressed as a woman. Actually, if you put it like that, it makes more sense.
India is driving Malika up the wall, ha. Malika is right though, India was given the option to leave the room.
India is comparing drag queens to the black and white minstrels. Oh fuck. You can see Ginuwine trying to understand what the fuck is going on.
Andrew: 'I'm a hetrosexual male but I'm camp as fuck.' His eyebrows look very well groomed for a straight man. He's cute, though. I see his side, he was breaking boundaries for himself as a straight man. He actually made a good point, too. God, these people are at such cross purposes. It's exhausting.
India accusing the men as not seeing her a woman. They haven't said anything to suggest that. 'It's what you think in your head.' How the fuck does she know what they're thinking! Mad. I would be livid if someone presumed my thoughts to me! The truth is, they're the thoughts inside India's head.
India: 'On your bike!'
Andrew: 'Dickhead, fuck you, you prick.' Not a nice way to talk to a woman, is it? Nasty side to Andrew at the end there and he's dumb because he did have the moral high ground. And that's what good about characters like India and Ann. They bring out the side of you Andrew doesn't want you to see.

Saturday, 6 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Anything's a dildo if you try hard enough

Right, let's see if the men going in ruins the show or not. I think we have the most old school CBB on our hands since C4... and the male casting was OK (despite obvious minus points). So fingers crossed.
I can barely remember watching the eviction last night I was so hammered so apologies for yesterday's blog. And in advance for this one.
India has her boobs out in the bathroom. Well, that's quite Big Brother-ish isn't it. I wish I hadn't put that tenner on her to win. That was the worst timed Big Brother bet I've ever done. I think it's good India is body confident. I'm sure Twitter doesn't. The amount of abuse she is getting is disproportionate to her actions in the house. So I can only think the truth: transphobia.
Ha, the women are getting a sneak peek at the men and assigning them jobs to do. Ann is hoping to see Harrison Ford. You'd be lucky to get Jar Jar Binks. Malika can't understand a word Shane is saying.
Ann 'didn't take to' Dapper Laughs. Me either. Finally, we agree. Ha, her face when Ginuwine was on the screen. Malika used to fancy him at school.
India was not happy to see Courtney go in. I just had to write down 'gender queer pansexual polyamourous vegan athiest feminist blonde Australian.' What a delightful intro. I didn't have the motor skills to write that last night.
They made Daniel the toilet cleaner. Ann thinks it's disgusting. It seems she prefers rape jokes to athiest polyamourous vegans. Why am I not surprised?
Ann is upset that the task is about women humiliating the other gender. Just like men have done to us throughout history. Boo fucking hoo.
I think it's fair Ann doesn't want to sleep in the room with then men. Didn't India say she'd give Ann the bed back after a few days? Ah, Big Brother SHOWED IT. They are really throwing her under the bus. India, you did say you would move and go in with the men.
India: 'Some people are more equal than others.' I think I'm done with India now... except when she's getting trans bashed. I will always stick up for her on that one. 'Ann Widdecombe is a miserable old bag'. Truth.
Bedgate! India is fed up with the 'OAP Mafia' and doesn't want to move beds. Big Brother is tell her she has to move! Is Big Brother taking sides?! If it was Ann's bed, they should have given it to Ann on night one.
Does Courtney have an invisible cord attached to her dress to make it fall off all the time? It's very Carry On, isn't it.
Daniel looks like a potato. But has less charm. Rachel is not liking the men. Courtney trying to win Ann over, ha. Good fucking luck.
Wayne pirouetting in. He seems nice! He'll probably turn into a complete terror. I'm a terrible judge of character.
India telling Courtney she has a phobia of drag queens. I think India just has a phobia of people thinking she's a drag queen.
John wants to share a bed with Andrew because he's skinny. That's my policy on sleeping with men, too.
Aw, Courtney and Wayne sharing a bed! Oh no, Shane is sharing with Shane! I like them clarifying what to call Courtney. I would do the same. The answer was quite simple, wasn't it.
It's great that Courtney isn't sensitive about being called he or she... because she plays BOTH roles. India DOESN'T. But the idiot general public are too dumb to work out the difference.
Ooh the women are in a secret room! The power room. Power trip!
The women assigned John and Shane to be chefs. They assigned Wayne and Ginuwine to ve the butlers.
Malika has come out of her shell since the men entered! I like it. The house cleaners were picked as Courtney and Andrew because they both look hygienic, haha.
Jonny and Daniel were chosen as toilet cleaners. At least it's quicker than having to clean the whole house. I'd be a bit annoyed at cleaning a toilet I haven't even peed in yet.
Daniel: 'My missus makes me do a bit of cleaning.' Heaven forbid you do it off your own back.
Andrew saying he likes Ann's 'dark salmon nightie.' Thanks for the shot of that.
India likes 'a cocktail of genders on the house.' Courtney: 'Anything's a dildo if you try hard enough.' I really wish she'd said that to Ann. Mind you, Ann knows.
Daniel doing his rape joke story. 'I was teaching men how to pull birds.' His rape joke was 'out of context' haaaa. Good one! Now that's a funny joke. Him winning Big Brother during the 'year of the women' - that's not. I hate Alma and Maggie coddling him. They're not getting my vote. Apologists!
I'm getting Sean Maguire (old person reference) vibes from Jonny and Daniel is a cut-price Jamie O Hara, if you can imagine such a thing. Yes, cleaning up shit is your appropriate role.
Daniel saying he'd be 'second knuckle' into Jess. And Dapper was just a character, hey? I think you forgot to take him off. Hardly going to be a feminist vegan underneath  that sort of comedy character, which is why I also despise Leigh Francis/ Keith Lemon.
Any airtime Jess gets reminds me of the bad old days of Big Brother. She makes my IQ drop.
Courtney sleeps with anything. If a woman says that, they'd get shit.
Ah Ann in the DR, let's see what she thinks of this crap. Ann, don't you have a dressing gown! Ann didn't like Courtney losing her skirt. You don't say.
Why does India use the word 'transsexual?' As far as I was aware that was an outdated term, but you think she would know? I find it puzzling.
She's asking the guys if they would go out with a transgender person. They're saying no. But lots of guys would. Courtney is right... it is about fragile masculinity.
Ginuwine has massive hands. He says who he sleeps with is a choice. He's right! India, you can't nag someone into dating you. I have been with guys who have been with trans people. They are out there.
India is a bit too much. Courtney: 'He's just not that into you' is correct.
I'm glad Courtney is challenging India on her views. India doesn't see herself as LGBT. But she doesn't really have a cohesive argument.  She's as fixed in her views as Ann.
Poor Ginuwine coming into this! Malika: 'I'm 100% sure we're dealing with a victim.' She's right. I like fiery Malika! Victim blame! But... OK in this case, ha. India has skulked off to bed.
Courtney is wearing a onesie! Is that still a thing in Australia? I haven't seen one of those in five years.
Rachel cuddling India. I feel Rachel enjoys the drama tbh. I do agree with India though that people just pretend to accept she's a woman. Several people in the house do.
New BBonBlast podcast tomorrow! Stay tuned. Dapper fave to win, apparently. God bless the UK. Snowflakes! Brexit!

Friday, 5 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Who's the man with a plan?

Who's the man? Brandon Flowers, collecting his royalties. So will the show be royally butchered when the men go in? Let's see.
I like Emma's furry sequinned coat but not her crappy windswept hair.
Standard Big Brother twerking and slut dropping. Have they not even dabbed yet? So retro.
Amanda calling India 'he'. That's Ann, Rachel and Amanda who's done it now. Not acceptable.
Amanda was not very apologetic. Ann: 'An apology is always enough.' Who the fuck are YOU to say that! It's NOT for you to judge it. You're not transgender!
Eek, gone right off Amanda in two seconds flat. She did not sound sorry at all. Ann chipping in with her two pence worth, yuck.
Ah, Amanda is drunk. Fuck Rachel too, saying India's reaction was 'performative.' Fuck these old bitches. Bigots. Gross. Ann just stirs it up. Poisonous.
India having to tell them she's a real woman. They will never understand. They will never get it. Small minded. I can't believe how much hate India is getting on Twitter. I don't know why! I think she's good! I think she's in the right. Even my mum tweeted me that 'India is getting nasty.' How! She's no Phelan!
Sad piano/ guitar music. India hiding in the garden under a blankie. Imagine going through all that and having people just call you 'he' still. How undermined must you feel.
Side note: I like Amanda's orange coat.
Ooh then men are going in already!
John Barnes the footballer is first in. I have never minded him as far as footballers go. And I hate 99% of footballers. I like his crappy song.
Yuck, I hate these inside interviews! Annoying. Save it for the eviction. John is anti homophobia and racism and judges people based on their character. I hope so! Minorities should support each other.
John Barnes- the new Ziggy.
Next in is Courtney Act, a feminist vegan drag queen. I loved his description of himself. He looks great as a woman. I love his name too. I don't know anything about him but I know people are excited about him going in. He's Australian! Interesting.
Confusing hashtags - are we calling him Shane or Courtney! The difference is, it doesn't matter like it does with India.
OMG Courtney falling over. And no pants! Best entrance since Gary Busey. I don't care if it was fake, it was amazing. It did look like he tripped on his dress. No pants and covering up his junk. Oh my. I'm speechless. Rewound this at least five times. Emma was cracking up. Wish I'd been in the audience for that.
Next up Shane Lynch. 'I think the world is disgusting for the way they treat women.' Me too! You can open doors for men and women though, Shane. Shane has been watching! He knows the house dynamics. Can't we just call him Shane and Courtney Courtney? I can't deal with another Luke A/ Luke S situation.
Next in is Jonny Mitchell. 'Feminism has gone too far. - no point being a feminist then saying you don't want to split the bill.' Good point. He looks like Bo Baskoro, a singer I like, haaa. Nice for a villian to have a lisp. Good for the podcast, haaaa. He's gotta be from Essex! I do think he's not bad looking despite the hair.
Next in is Dapper Laughs who said women are 'gagging to be raped.' Oh, he's trying to be a reformed character. Emma: 'It's time to hear him out.' Fuck off! Oh he's had a baby girl, let's hope she never gets raped. Did he just make a joke about his dead dad fiddling his baby? Oh you've got a dead dad and you've had a baby. Fuck off!
So we have to call him Daniel now. Ha, and now he's bragging about being given loads of money! NICE. He even looks like a complete cunt. Jamie O Hara vibes!
Ooh John Barnes looked a bit uncomfortable when Dapper came in! Interesting. I would grill the fuck out of him! And he goes straight to Ann and talks to her. I can't believe there's no live feed tonight! Fail.
And we're back. Nice to see Dapper Laughs getting cheered by the crowd, isn't it?
Next in is Wayne Sleep. I don't know much about him but the older gay trope can be quite entertaining... as long as it's not Louis Spence. He's already friends with Amanda. I like the fact he's five foot two. So am I! He's dancing on the way in. I hope he's fun.
Who's drunk all the champagne! I'd be fuming.
Andrew from the Apprentice is cute. Looks a bit gay though. Feminism means women should spoon men. Yes, that's the cause we're fighting for. Look at his shoes with no socks and meggings though. And his friends in their coats. Shameful. He does seem quite friendly though.
Ok, I'm drunk now. Next in is Ginuwine. I do remember his song Pony now I just replayed it on YouTube. Does he know what 'pony' means in the UK? He looks a bit greasy. Sisquo! Fatman Scoop! I loved Fatman Scoop though. I think he's more Sisquo that Fatman Scoop. Racist! I just called Fatman Scoop 'Fatboy Scoop' on Twitter because I'm drunk. That's like the worst mash up ever. Right here! Right now!
So only the women can vote and the women have to assign roles for the men to do. Haaa! So the men have to crawl to them. Dapper Laughs for toilet cleaner!
Again, criminal there's no live feed now. Yes, I am still beating that drum. When we visited the house, they had channels for different rooms, so they COULD show it, if they wanted. But they don't. They burnt their own house down.